Moshers... pffft....

Yeah.. I mosh for Jesus. Actually, I don't mosh at all. I just dance ("in the zone, in a trance"). It's true. I am a dancer. None of this "let's take ballet and show how pretty we are" dancing. No no, none of that. I mean, I could if i wanted to and I have no problem with ballet, but if you understand what dancing means to be, you'd know that ballet just isn't my thing.
First off, I know I've probably posted something like this before at some point in time, but that's ok. I enjoy this kind of thing. Letting a bit of my heart to show is ok everyone once in a while right? ha.

Well, to understand why I'm not ballerina you must first know that I cannot listen to K-Love or any other contemporary Christian music for more than 5 minutes. Honestly, I feel as though I am ready to combust. I love Jesus with everything I have and I just don't feel like I can full express that in a beautiful melody of "I love you Jesus" with the music all quite like and the drums practically non-existant. And yes, I used to listen to that music, but it's been a while. I don't even go for the "alternative" Christian bands, because they give Christian rock a bad name. Sorry guys, but it's almost as bad as K-Love to me. Instead, I choose to rely upon Underoath, Blindside, Dear Whoever, Upon Beauty Rests, Showbread, Emery, and Flyleaf for all my Christian music needs. They fuel me. True worship to me is all out, and at the end, you should have no energy left. It's a true sacrifice. Sweaty, uncut worship is beautiful.

My first experience with this was Blindside. They wrote the song called "About a Burning Fire". I had listened to it many times and it was my worship music there for about 2 months but I never fully appreciated it until I watched the DVD. It was that last song and I had already wanted to see them live just because they put on an amazing show, but "About a Burning Fire" pushed them over the top. The song was good until the very end. Then it got very soft and quiet, much like on the cd, but this time there was something different. All of the band members, excluding the drummer, turned their backs to the crowd, closed their eyes, and started to worship. The singer started to sing, "I thought about a burning fire, I thought about a loving fire, I thought about Your love... I thought about Your love." And then the stage looked like it was going to explode with passion. It reminded me of dancing at church and how much energy it takes and how much I really don't care that I feel like I'm going to pass out because the thing that is driving me is so passionate that I don't want to stop.

The next experience I had was with Underoath. They're hardcore and very energetic, but the thing that got me the most was their soft song. It's called "Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape." It's all about the grace of God and mercy and love. My favorite lines are "Hey unfaithful I will teach you to be stronger. Hey ungraceful I will teach you to forgive one another. Hey unloving I will love you, I will love you." It's beautiful and the first time I listened to it I may have cried... but shhh... don't tell anyone. I only cried because of the end. It builds up to a point and then just stops and he sings "Jesus, I'm ready to come.. HOME!" And then he screams and it's amazing and I love the passion exuded through it.

The last encounter that I will tell you, that actually ties into the beginning, is of a show that I went to on saturday. Dear Whoever, Upon Beauty Rests, and Bright Lit City. Three really good christian bands, one spiritually dark bar, and my best friends. So, two out of three ain't bad I guess.. I was actually getting sick to my stomach just sitting in that place waiting for the bands to start, but I knew it woud be worth it. Oh yes, it was definately worth it. As soon as the first band started, it seemed like the atmosphere completely changed and the place was totally cleaned out (spiritually). They were good, but I just sat back and watched the hardcore kids dance. Then It was Upon Beauty Rests. They had beautiful music but again, I just watched eventhough they played my most favorite song of theirs. The kicker was Dear Whoever. They enchanted me. Me and my friends went straight to the stage in front of the circle pit and proceeded to dance to the music. It was amazing, I was so fatigued but energized afterwards. It was crazy. It was my first time participating at a concert like that and now I understand why. So much passion, fun, excitement... It was one of the funnest things I've ever done. To make it even better, "We Cry Mercy" was the last song and everyone went nuts. I have bruises and I'm very proud of them.

Alarm Clocks

"Wake up! Wake up! My God! This is NOT a test!"

I tend to just walk by. At school, I don't normally stop to talk, I don't say "hello" to people I recognize, I just walk by. I don't speak, I don't smile, I just walk in a half asleep daze. I see hundreds of people everyday and I just walk by, usually with my headphones in.

"and it's not to late to come clean. Get it off your chest. So steady your hand before your face and concentrate."

A song that is usually playing on repeat on my way to classes wouldn't be liked among most people, but I enjoy it. No one can hear it though. Only me, in my remote little world, walking from building to building.

"There's got to be some stable ground left to walk on."

Even if I was willing, no one makes eye contact, no one else smiles. They look down at the ground, through their dark sunglasses, that they’re walking on, knowing that it will hold them up. They too have a dazed look on their face. I'm not sure what their excuse is though.

"So tear another page from the book. Are you asleep or just alone?"

Ready to learn, ready to leave. Either one is dangerous in this place. The mind is pliable, but only to a point. Once it reaches a certain point, something will snap. Some go insane. Not the institutionalized crazy though, no. This kind is socially accepted, taught in fact.

"Clear this room from your lungs, and pull yourself together man."

Wrong, whether they know it or not. Some know, they were taught young, but the pressure against is too strong. They fall to the ground, knocked unconscious. Their world gone black.

"On your back, you're sleeping in a bed of shame. Let the light breathe some new life into this room."

They have no idea what they just missed, but I do. It's contagious and addictive, but they don't know that yet. Not yet.

"It's what keeps you coming back, made up of insatiable taste."

Until they find it, despair will be their only friend. Nothing will be right, nothing will ever change, they will never see the light of day.

"Bury your head in your hands and sink into yourself."

I see these people everyday. I walk past them everyday. I hear them everyday. It's their choice to look away and keep walking. I know why.

"Just what are you so afraid of? What are you so afraid of?"

They know it, I know it. Something holds them back. EVERYTHING holds them back. We all know what's right, but no one says anything of it. No one, not even I. I just walk.

"You're staring truth in the face, so come on down."

It's ignored. Passed away in the day to day. Only a select few choose to really see but not even they inform the others. No one chooses the position of the spokesperson. They just walk and only talk to those they know. They say things that aren't true. It's the insanity poking through the exterior. I told you this place makes people crazy.

"You're busy living life now, aren't you? No. You're busy making vows. You're coming unglued."

I know the remedy for this sickness, I just choose not to share it. I choose to be silent when I should be loud. Who knows how long I've wasted.

"Time is shorter than you know."

I don't want to walk between buildings staring at people who shield their eyes. The sunglasses keep them isolated from the world. It keeps them dead and in the dark. It blocks their vision. They can't even see what's really around them.

"I know the light is blinding to the naked eye, so why don't you take steps away from being alone?"

Even if they wanted to take them off, they feel they've missed the opportunity. Keep them on, they don't want to look at what they think they've missed.

"I swear it's not too late for you."

Who will remove the sunglasses? Not I. I'm still walking. Remember? But I know the One that can. Yes, He removed mine as well.

"It's all worth reaching for the hand to pull you out."

Will they ask? No, they're still unconscious on the floor, wrapped in what they know. They don't understand that this time it's the real thing. They need to see what's coming. As I walk by, I want to scream. I hear the screaming through my headphones. I hear the words I want to say coming through the speakers. Screaming through the speakers.

"Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! And step outside your box! Wake up! Wake up!"


Underoath- In regards to myself

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The National Language

I've come to realize that I love to write. I actually enjoy writing papers and analyzing random things and adding in my opinion in a sly dog sort of way. It's the reading that I hate. I find most "literary works" to be very boring and dry, but give me a satire and I'm entertained for days to come. I also realized that I love to write satire. Even in dry, factual papers I like to bring my own style to things, often using an underlying mocking tone that most people wouldn't even catch but I put it in anyways for my own personal enjoyment.

Once I actually got to write a satire paper for an assignment. It was probably the funnest thing I've ever written, and it was stinking halarious if I do say so myself. It was all about the reparations that were still being demanded for the black slavery in the south before the civil war. Yes, I had many things to say about it.

(By the way, if you didn't know, how satire works is basically a form of mocking something. You pretend that you're all for something in the beginning and you must be very convincing, but once you're nearing the end you come up with some absurd proposal that the reader should be completely appalled by but you must try to back yourself up in this proposal telling how helpful it will be and so on and so forth. They are very fun to write, let me tell you...)

Anyways, I'm not going to post the actual paper because there WILL be someone who gets offended by it because that's the purpose yet some just won't understand and they will think I'm bashing on them (which I am, but not for reals cause it was for school...).

So here's how it went down. In the beginning, I wrote that I was white (which I am) and that I was thoroughly fired up at the bad things that have been done to many black people today (in reguards to slavery). I went on about this for about a page and a half and then I moved on to my proposal to fix this wrong doing.. Oh yes... it get's good.

I proposed that all white people become the slaves of the descendants of the early black slaves in America and that basically the slave holders could do whatever they wanted to their slaves.. I also went into detail with this but I'll spare you the brutalness.. I wrote that this slavery would put an end to obesity because all of the white people would be underfed and over worked.

Yeah, it was grusome and I loved writing it. I'd love to write more stuff like this, but I'd probably get in trouble. And eventhough I've grown accustom to getting in trouble for things I write, I think I'll wait just a bit longer before my next one... I think I'll write it on our new national language... or maybe not..

Darn Gobshites...

Global Social Problems.

Does that sound like fun? Seriously.... Yeah, I didn't think it sounded like fun when I first signed up for this class. Actually, I didn't think it sounded like fun for the first 5 weeks of the class. this all changed when I started to actually pay attention and listen to what was being said. I, personally, was shocked.

Most of what is said in my class comes from the students. The majority of those outspoken students are probably in their mid-thirties and older and they have to be some of the dumbest people I have ever heard in my life.

I do not mean to criticize, but rather to include you in my humorous situation.

This is what I am privy to... A class of outspoken idiots. My favorite so far has been the discussion we had on disabled people and how they are mistreated by the government and society. Actually, all of our discussions are about how a certain people group are mistreated by the government and society, it's awsome. But this one particular day we were talking about the disabled.

The class was pretty normal for the first half, you know, the usual problems were told, and then we got to disabled people having children. I thought that it would be one of the regular topics where one person gets all fired up over nothing and then the class goes on. Well, I was halfway right. When the teacher mentioned something about the government taking children away from mentally disabled parents, those over thirty outspoken gobshites in the front of the room were in an uproar.. why? I don't know. I heard brief mention of the feelings of the disabled people and their want for children, but never once did I hear the other view argued. No one once mentioned that the parents of the children who were taken away or the people that are not allowed to have children because of their physical condition usually can't even take care of themselves. Not one person said anything about it.

This is usually how it goes in that class. I think there's a sign on the door that I missed that says "Leave all common sense at the door.." No matter the dicussion, those same people get mad over the lamest things without even thinking of when they're really saying.

What I usually end up doing is sitting quietly in the back of the room half chuckling to myself at the heinous things being said. I've found that If I'm quiet for most of the quarter, then when I do say something, people will be shocked because they never knew something so loud could come out of my mouth and then they will actually listen to it. I've done this a few times before and usually the entire room goes dead silent. I seem to have that effect on most of my classes. No one expects quiet little Emily in the back of the room to come out and blatently the entire class that nothing that is being said has any sense whatsoever. I only do it every so often when the time really calls for it. I find it to be entertaining. It's like watching those court shows on TV. Everyone is arguing over something stupid and then the judge all of the sudden tells them the reality that they are being stupid and saying stupid things and everything gets silent for about 30 seconds. After those 30 seconds they start in on the next item up for bid and the circle continues.

I just don't understand how someone can take an issue that is so black and white and in your face and turn it into a whole big ordeal to the point that all forms of reasoning has left them. It's another one of those mysteries of life I guess.

God bless America, a place where people can voice their stupid opinions and help Emily stay awake in class one more day.

Beauty Box

I've realized that I have this weird standard for beauty. It's not high, nor is it low, it's just kind of awkward. Like, the things and people I find beautiful are not the normal prom king and queen of the highschool. They're usually the people that when someone says "they're beautiful" everyone is kind of thrown off because no one has put this kind of beauty into their "beauty boxes" before. Ha, you find a new box every day. Anyways, I didn't so much expand my "beauty box" but more shift it's focus. Let me give some examples and then you'll understand fully what I mean. (by the way, I tried to put pictures up but they wouldn't load so I decided on videos instead.)

Example #1:
Ever heard of Showbread? Well, they're a pretty cool band that I listen to. It's true. I talk a lot abou the music I listen to because music has encompassed almost every part of my life. Not in the form of me playing it, but more me listening. Mmhmm. Back to beauty. Josh Dies is the vocalist of this band. Basically, he's in my beauty box. Watch the video below with an open mind and don't make fun of me (or him) too much. He's the white guy with a telephone and shorts.

Showbread - Oh! Emetaphobia!

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Example #2:
Here's with more music. Christian Lindskog of Blindside... Into the Box he goes.

Blindside - All of Us

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Example #3:
Any indie girl. I think girl that are Indie are completely cute. I love it so much. BEAUTY BOX! HOORAY!


Example #4:
The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. Yeah, they're their own sentance. They deserve it. They are all beauties, but especially Ronnie Winter (lead vocals). He's basically amazing.

Face Down - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

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Now, I think I have given ample proof of my misshapen box. But honestly, I think my box looks better than yours. I guess that's just how my perception of beauty goes. Sorry.

Oh! Blessed Technology!

Friday night was the night. Yes, it was friday that I got onto my computor after a weird day and proceeded to write a blog. It was a good blog, the story type. Fictional, you should know. It was beautiful and ugly and sad and happy all in one, paradoxical and all. I was so proud of this little story and was very excited about posting it. At the top of it, I had put in a music player. When I went to post this sucker, it gave an error message and said there was something wrong with the code for the music player. So I go to erase it and I notice that when I got the error message, my beautiful story had been erased. Yes, it's true. It is no more. Instead I typed out the key points and phrases I used so I can rewrite it later when I am inspired to do so. This time I'll type it on a Word document so I will not be overtaken by the Oh! Blessed Technology! But allow me to give a preview of this blessed event... which does not include birth of any kind.

"In the words of Dane Cook "Let's Tarantino it." You've just been drop kicked by the goalie of Manchester United. Let's go back and find out why you were drop kicked by the goalie of Manchester United. You're walking down the street. The sky grows dark and it begins to rain. You thought you'd would've made it home to beat the weather. You didn't."

An Abstract Being

Let's be straight forward today. I'm diggin' this whole growing up thing. I find it to be rather obnoxious. Can't I just skip to Jesus? That'd be a whole lot easier and way more enjoyable. And who came up with this weather? It's overcast but still sunny and the clouds are white. Why can't the weather make up its mind? Either be sunny, or rainy. If it's going to be overcast there needs to be dark clouds. This inbetween stuff gets me into a funk. I don't want to do my homework, nothing sounds interesting... I seem to be in a place of discontentment and I'm not sure what I want that would make me content. This weather.... not funny God.... not funny.

I've noticed that I say things like that all the time. Yeah, it's because God likes to do things that just make my life halarious. Seriously, He's a witty one, very clever.... very clever. When something ironic happens I always look up and say "yeah, good one... you're halarious." It used to only be when I was with my best friend but I've noticed myself doing that in the middle of a conversation at school and everyone around me just kind of looks at me and I respond with "What? God likes to make my life halarious. I just thought I'd let him know that I noticed."

None of that had anything to do with anything. Abstract thoughts. Wow. Seriously, this weather.

On the up side, I'm going to see Employee of the Month later on after watching Gilmore Girls with my best friend.

Actually, I think I'll write about her right now. Ok, so I have this friend and she's halarious and witty and just like me down to the music we like and the words that we say. I'm really not sure what I'd do without her. She keeps me in check, she laughs at my jokes, she understands my humor, she listens to all the same weird bands that I listen to, she helps me get through those awkward moments when you just want to run away and hide becuase you just feel weird, she's amazing. We watch Gilmore Girls together, we do everything together. Not literally everything, but you get the point. Thank you God for putting her on the earth, otherwise I wouldn't have anyone to finish my sentances.

Thank you and goodnight ladies and gentlemen. That is my blog of abstractness.

Seventeen Ain't So Sweet...

Ok guys, the other day I was completely awkstruck because I was listening to one of my most favorite bands, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, on the internet and I noticed that they had a new song up. Being the cool person that I am, I decided to listen to it. And then I noticed that they had lyrics posted for it as well. Before I go on, I'd just like to say that I'm a sucker for lyrics and that The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus does an amazing job with theirs.

Alrighty, on with it! So I turn the song on and read the title of the song. It's called "Seventeen Ain't So Sweet." At that point I'm like whoa boy, I have to listen to this one. So I start to listen, it's got a good beat, nice melody, beautiful vocals, but then I read the lyrics and I am speechless. I literally sat at my computor with a dumbfounded look on my face. I didn't even have to see myself and I knew that I was dumbfounded. And then I tell my friend about this song and how it's exactly me at this point in my life. So she reads the lyrics and her reaction was something like this, "Yeah at first I thought that it sounded like it could be both of us and then it got to the seventeen part and I just sat there in amazement." Basically that's all that needs to be said, except for the actual lyrics of course. And here they are:

Seventeen Ain't So Sweet - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Well she never was the best
At following the trends
Stayed one step above the rest
Even though it seemed
Like the world was crashing on her
Didn't let it hold her down
Didn't hold her back oh no

Don't worry you'll show them

chorus:
There's a fire in your eyes
And I hope you let it burn
There's a scream in your voice
And I hope you will be heard
There's a fire in your eyes
And I hope you let it burn
Until you're heard, you're heard

Seventeen is just a test
And I would recommend
That you live with no regrets
Even if it seems
Like the world is crashing on you
Shouldn't let it hold you down
Shouldn't hold you back oh no

Don't worry you'll show them

(chorus)

Relax girl, turn down the lights
Or no one can see you shining
Relax girl, it'll be alright
No one can stop you if you try

The point of rhythm is to follow it in time
So listen to the beating in your mind
Remember if you seek then you shall find

(chorus)


Have an amazing night and if you wanted to listen to the song go to http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=4654367. They're amazing.

Peace.

Wierd Kid.

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OK, so I am sad because sunday Bradley Hathaway (see above) is going to be in Spokane and I am not. Because of school... That's the worst thing, it's because of school. School seems to be getting in the way a lot lately. It's true, I'm voting that I can just be done with school right now. Bring it on, I am ready for summer. I am ready to no longer be held down by the prison they like to call highschool. I feel like I graduated at least 2 years ago so it's weird to be in a highschool building again. I don't like it. I'm also ready for this American Lit. class to be done. I'm not homophobic, but seriously, I'm not gunna go out and look for a gay teacher. Too bad the one I picked just happened to like boys. The other problem with this class is that I don't read a lot because I don't enjoy it unless Ted Dekker wrote it. Meaning... I'm a week behind in the reading.
Next item up for bid. Um... me and my best friend planned all week to watch the season premere of Gilmore Girls together today because she was going to record it and today was the only time we could get together. So, I get to her house and we sit down and it said it only recorded 10 minutes. So, basically we watched 10 minutes of Gilmore Girls and I have no idea what happened and it saddened me deeply.
Number three. I just feel weird. That's about it.

That's Life Babe...

I think it's time for a blog. I can always tell because I'll feel slightly overloaded with whatever and have the urge to go run really really fast. So, I'll write this and then take a quick run. It seems like everything came down upon me during the first week of school and I've been able to hold it all quite well until now.

Let's talk about school. Actually, I'll talk you read. So, I just now realized the weight of my decisions. I'm taking one class at my high school in the morning, then I go straight to the college for American Literature, Art History, Sociology, and finally Health and Wellness. That comes to 5 classes altogether. 4 college classes and 1 highschool class. I feel a little overloaded you could say.

Now it's time for my social life. Over the summer, me and my best friend practically spend every waking (and sometimes sleeping) hour together. But once school started she started volleyball and afterschool practices. All freetime was then used towards homework and volleyball so the only time we really see each other is the 5 minutes between the time my class gets out and hers starts and some time during the weekend. So I've pretty much traded my best friend in the world for school. Yeah, sounds like a good trade to me...

Then, on top of everything else in my life, there's this boy... stupid boy... unbelievable. I'm not gunna go into detail, because at this point in time, I'm not ready to and it's not worth my energy.

Now, let's be democrats and recount my life.. 5 hard classes, best friend gone M.I.A., boy that's there... but not really. For my 17-year-old body, that's a lot. I mean, I had more life experience by my freshmen year than many people in their 20's had. So, I'm pretty sure I can handle this. But then I look back and remember what happened in my freshman year and think "The only way I got through that was because Jesus was my only friend." So now I have my answer. The only way I can get through these next couple months without completely and totally breaking down is the love I've discovered for Jesus. It seems like every day I experience more love in new ways. Instead of sleeping through these next few months, I think I'll dance through them, with more passion than ever because I know that this is only a season. Soon enough the leaves will be gone, snow will come, and all will be well.

Leviathan..

I now despise all things not written in MODERN ENGLISH. Yes, this is an ignorant statement to make but at the moment, it's completely what I'm feeling. I have to read a few sections of Thomas Hobbes' Leviathan for my government class... Not cool... I can't really understand what exactly he's saying but I get the general idea. Too bad my teacher is not looking for the general idea or I would've have even bothered to read it. It's about the equality of men but my teachers wants us to go into more detail and come up with questions about the article tomorrow that either dispute or help ideas that Hobbes wrote. At this point, I don't even care what he's saying except for the fact that part of my grade hangs in the balance of whether or not I can make a valid statement in the discussion tomorrow. Right now I'm counting on the fact that it's a public school and I'm the only running start student in it so no one else is going to understand what the heck this guy is saying. Unbelievable *slaps Don's face*...

Class is now in session...

Ok, now here's a post dedicated especially for my best friend. [This is not meant to offend, just bring humor to our lives. Therefore, you can't hold any of this against me either because it wasn't directed towards any one person, and if you are offended, take B-6. You just may have a hormonal inbalance.]

Alright class today we will be learning the difference between sarcasm and wittiness. Now before you ask me the question, "Aren't they the same thing?" think about what I just said and stop yourself from self-inflicting mockery. Obviously there is a difference, because today we are going to learn about that difference. Or how about this? You might already know that there's a difference but still can't detect it in normal conversations. If that's you, don't worry, you will appreciate the fine art of placing a witty comment in a normal conversation soon enough. Now, lets get started!

First of all, let's see what the lovely people at Encarta have to say about the whole thing shall we?

Wit or Witty: adjective
1. using words cleverly: using words in an apt, clever, and amusing way
2. cleverly done: strikingly clever, stylish, or original in design or execution

Sarcasm: noun
cutting language: remarks that mean the opposite of what they seem to say and are intended to mock or deride.

Ok, lets get the first major difference out of the way. To be witty, you must be intellegent or at least show intellegence. To be sarcastic, you really only have to say the opposite of what you mean and change your voice a little to sound like you're joking. It really involves no intellegence whatsoever. The people who are always sarcastic but not witty are the ones who get the letters in the mail saying "We regret to inform you that, due to the rising demand of smart people, you are no longer apart of the [insert any organization that requires you to be intellegent]."

The second thing you must be aware of, is that to be witty, you must be quick on your feet. When you were little, do you remember how kids would say "THINK FAST!" and then throw something at you and then expect you to catch it? Well, to throw a witty remark in a conversation you have to be able to "THINK FAST!" If you can think fast and say something clever and the other person doesn't catch it or understand, it's ok. It just means you're cooler than they are, or you're just older and threw in some heinous reference to a commercial that aired in like 1952 when you're talking to an 8-year-old boy. If that's the case, then my advise to you is to find people your own age. They'll understand more.

Now we're going to talk about practical application. It's going to be just like church. To understand how to use these two humorous verbal tools, you must first have guidlines because you're not going to use a hammer to cut through plywood are you? No, you're not. If these tools are used wrong, it's not going to work and you're not going to sound funny. People may laugh at you but not because of the funny thing you just said.

1. If you try to be sarcastic too much, no one will think it's funny anymore. If you eat too much chocolate, you will get sick to your stomach. People will get sick of your sarcasm so place it in a conversation when people least expect it. You'll get alot of blank stares like "are you joking me right now?" but once you tell them you're joking, they'll appreciate it.
2. There is a time and place for everything. You shouldn't joke (be sarcastic) about death at a funeral. You know what I mean?
3. Brush up on your references. They come in handy during conversations, and make you look smart and witty and funny. For example: someone says something stupid about loving the environment or something like that. You could say "Are you going to vote for Nader too?" or something to that extent. The faster you are, the funnier it seems.]
4. If they don't laugh at your references, try a different type of references. Instead of politics, try pop culture. I doens't really matter, just as long as it's relevant to the conversation in some way. Don't try to be random and say something that has no thread of relativeness to the conversation. Because no one will think that it's funny, unless they're intoxicated.
5. DO NOT say that you're so witty after you just pulled the sarcasm card because either people will think you're stupid if they already know the difference or you'll confuse even more people. And we don't want that to happen, now do we??

Ok kids, those are the rules. Yes, they are rules because we are not on a pirate ship. Guideline is to broad of a word. [If you didn't catch it, that was a reference to Pirates of the Caribbean when the captain is talking about how "The Code" is more of a guideline that rules] Now, spread the word and don't be to mean to people. Class dismissed.

I will not surrender.

WAR

noun (plural wars)
Definition:

1. armed fighting between groups: a period of hostile relations between countries, states, or factions that leads to fighting between armed forces, especially in land, air, or sea battles
The two countries are at war.

2. period of armed fighting: a period of armed conflict between countries or groups
during the Vietnam War

3. methods of warfare: the techniques or the study of the techniques of armed conflict

4. conflict: a serious struggle, argument, or conflict between people
The candidates are at war.

5. serious effort to end something: an effort to combat or eradicate something harmful
a war against drugs

WAR DANCE

noun
Definition:

dance before or after battle: a dance performed as a ceremony before a battle or to celebrate victory, e.g. by Native North Americans

• For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12 (NLT)

I want to encourage all those who are reading this to remember that the things that are happening may seem like they are coming from man, but you need to realize that it is the enemy working through situations and strongholds to make you want to give up. Pray through it. War through it. Dance through it. Just don't give up. God is not surprised by anything. I'm pretty sure "oops" is not in His vocabulary.

The Clincher

So, it's been a while but I feel like i just need to write. It's going to be one of those cleansing things I guess. If you want to know what's going on in my life, that sucks because no specifics will be mentioned, hopefully. Emotions have been hitting hard in the last week or so. All sorts of emotions. It's probably because of an even that is going on this week that my church is having. Spiritual warfare and fun stuff like that. Therefore, you may not hold anything I write against me.


Get this video and more at MySpace.com

So, I'm writing this as Chevelle (see video above) serenades me in the background. If you know who Chevelle is, congratulations, you're now cool. Other than you being cool, you'll also know that they aren't soft, flowery music. As I listen to this I realize how weird my musical choices are timing wise. For instance, when I'm sad the music I use to cheer myself up is most likely Emo (sad, depressing). For some reason it snaps me back into a good mood. When I'm angry I listen to something with screaming and a heavy guitar. Now, I still love both of these types of music anyways just for my listening pleasure, but it seems to me that I generally listen to them more when you would think that I shouldn't.

Now lets get down to the nitty gritty. Love, Hate, Joy, Sorrow, Excitement, Dread. It's a weird feeling having all of those go through you at once. Each emotion and it's opposite at the same time. How does that happen you ask? I'm not quite sure yet. Being excited for something but dreading getting let down. Loving someone yet hating their actions. Being happy for a friend and sad for yourself.

All of these things were stuff that Tom talked about on Sunday. It was good to know that this wasn't just me. All these random things just started happening that made it seem like everything was falling apart (as much as my life can actually do that, I think I have it pretty good). But you know how teenage girls are, everything's a catastrophe...

And if you didn't know me, then you would've thought that I'm one of those teenage girls.. Too bad most things don't bother me anymore. I pretty much don't care about my respectability anymore. Lynda is to blame for that.. Thank you Lynda, my life is so much more fun now... But what I do care about is my freedom. I've never liked the feeling that I'm being squeezed or pushed or "boxed-in". Physically or spiritually. Sometimes both will happen at once. Lately it's been more of a physical one. I completely hate it and yet there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. If I speak up, the amount of freedom I have diminishes. If I stay silent, usually nothing happens, I have the same amount of freedom as before or somehow I get less freedom. Neither one is very fun. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. So, I do nothing. I just sit and wait it out.

Wait. I hate to wait, for most things actually. It's so hard, but I hear that it's fulfilling. I'm not sure I've experienced that yet. So far this summer I've waited for... hmm... ah, yes. The roadtrip. Me and my best friend have wanted to take a road trip to a specific place all summer. It looked like it was going to happen and then two days before it was called off. That was fun. So now we're planning on it again for next weekend. I sure hope it happens because we've been waiting for this for a few months now.

This reminds me of a boy. I liked him for a very long time. Like two years I think. That's long for a teenage girl who knew that it was never going to happen and yet still held onto hope. I've constantly ask myself why I waited for so long because I see now that it would've never worked and on top of it, it just would've been kind of weird... But then I thought, maybe it was to distract me from something or someone else that wouldn't have been good for me. If that's the case then, God, You're halarious! And I know He's halarious anyways. He told me jokes in a dream one time. I woke up the next morning and my Abs hurt. Hmmm....

So, this is the end of my long winded story/explaination/rabbit trail. I might have made myself look bad but sometimes things need to come out so they can't be held over your head. I hope there was some wit added in there for a few laughs, but I honestly don't remember what I wrote. All I know is that it's almost 2 am and that I'm feeling much better.

Thanks Chevelle!

..."a culture counter-clockwise turned around"...

Island Of The Honest Man
I was picked up and then dropped off in a culture counter-clockwise turned around
Dug a hole in Southern Carolina - took me straight to China safe and sound
Donated my map to the lost and found

While working for a common cause I only got a kamikaze state of mind
This self defeating meeting of the minds is eating what was once so hard to find
But right then the clouds parted in the sky

The horizon took us all a little by surprise
Watch the sky
And as the howling winds subdsided, the locals ran out, all waving their hands and singing:

Welcome to the island of the honest man
Do what you want - there is no need to impress us
Welcome to the island of the honest man
We don't believe in what the big people tell us
Wait here - stay here

I was picked up and then dropped off in a culture counter-clockwise turned around
Rolled a pair of dice in Paris that got me to paradise all safe and sound.

Stole my temper back from the lost and found
No longer needed to be seated on a sinking ship just waiting there to drown
Jump off now - jump off now

And as they lead us to their village, a thousand voices all started to sing out loud:
Welcome to the island of the honest man
Do what you want - there is no need to impress us
Welcome to the island of the honest man
We don't believe in what the big people tell us
Wait here - stay here

From the sunrise up above to the sunset below, they all sing
Welcome in, welcome back, well come on let's go
And all the people on the island they already know why they sing
Welcome in, welcome back, well come on let's go
From the sunrise up above to the sunset below, they all sing
Welcome in, welcome back, well come on let's go
And all the people on the island they all want to show why they sing, why they sing, why they sing, why they're singing

Welcome to the island of the honest man
Do what you want - there is no need to impress us
Welcome to the island of the honest man
We don't believe in what the big people tell us
Welcome to the island of the honest man

This is the island of the honest man
Welcome to the island of the honest man
This is the island of the honest man
Wait here - stay here

I was picked up and then dropped off in a culture counter-clockwise turned around


Ha, I love this song... It's called Island of the Honest Man by Hot Hot Heat. I immediately thought of my church. Especially the "there's no need to impress us" part. It's super upbeat and all happy like you'd want to dance to it but it's not "pop" music. I'd rather pull out all my hair... It's just good clean fun music. OY!

Off to 'nam!

As you grow up there are many decisions that must be made in your life. What hairstyle you should choose for your face shape. The pink top or the blue one? Should I go with open-toed heals or rounded toed flats for prom? All great questions that require thoughtfulness and a brutaly honest best friend, but no question is quite like "where should I go to college?"

It's a scary question that has many other questions built into it. What do you want to do with your life? Where do you want to live? How much money can you afford to pay for tuition? What academic level are you at so you know what school's you should aim for. Co-ed or gender discriminate? Junior college or University?

I think I can really only answer two of those questions at the moment. First, I will go to a co-ed school. None of this all girl crap. I don't get along with girls very easily. I only have 9 friends that are girls total, the rest are guys. I have a lot of friends. The other answer I have is that whatever school I go to will be a university. Next year I'll be graduating from a community college... so that knocks out the whole 'live at home for a few more years and get your general degree first'. Ha, can't fool me with that one.

Now, what do I want to do with my life? Well, I have this thing with designing T-Shirts which would involve a lot of graphic design except for the fact that I've never used any graphic design software EVER. I use paper and pencil. But Graphic Design is not out of the question yet. The next possibility is Fashion Design. You get to actually draw on paper your designs but I don't have a ton of experience with actually making the clothes. I've made a few dresses and purses but that's about it. More experience there than in graphic design but my sewing machine's broken for now so we'll have to wait that one out too. The last two options are not holding ground very well. I wanted to do Interior Design for a while but I'm bored of it now. I've redesigned a couple rooms in my house but I no longer have a desire to do that every day of my life. The last is architecture. This is only a possibility because of the salary. I'd get to draw, but I don't know much about it so, that's almost out.

You see my problem? I'll have a general degree after this year so I need to go into something more specified now.

Yes, I've thought about taking a year off, but I honestly don't think I'll want to go back to school if I do that.

This is making me very tired. I'm fighting the urge to take a sleeping pill that will knock me out for about 3 years so I wake up just in time to get married.

I also want to live in London for a year or so at some point during my college experience.

How any of this is going to work out.. I don't know. Until then, I'll keep debating over what prom dress is right for me.

No Munching!

I just got back from the beach for the Fourth. It was pretty sweet I guess. The best part was that I got to spend like 6 days straight with my best friend, and we're not sick of each other yet either. Crazy, I know. While we were there we practicaly lived in this little coffee shop called Bella's. It's so much better than Starbucks. Well, right next to this place is one of those tourist shops that have "funny" tee-shirts and nicknacks. One of the days we were there, my friend decides to go into this place and look at the shirts to see if there were any funny ones. Ha, the best one that we found said:

"I used to go skinny dipping. Now I go chunky dunking."

The runner up went something like this:

"Who are these kids and why are they calling me mom?"

So, that was the whole point of this blog. To tell everyone who reads this about these funny shirt that I saw. And to say, 'How does Sweden sound to you?'

More Paradoxes.

Stupid.

No reason for saying that, it just needed to come out I guess. I think I'll stick with writing what needs to come out because if I don't do it now, it'll just come out later right? Right. My mood has been changing every five minutes so the end of this blog could have a completely different tone than the beginning. Well, it makes life interesting right? Right.

I do love Blindside. I bought their Ten Years Running Blind DVD the other day. I've watched it many times already. Not because it's amazing (eventhough it is), but because of one song. Oh my gosh, Jessica is my witness.... Goodness me. I watched the live version of their song About A Burning Fire and I had to fight back the tears. There's a part in the song where the music gets really quiet for about 30 seconds where he sings the words "I thought about a burning fire, I thought about a loving fire. I thought about Your love. I thought about Your love." Now, the song is completely loud and all the words are screamed instead of sung. I mean, honestly, he can do whatever he wants because it's beautiful either way, but during the live version... That 30 second part turned into like a minute or two because they started their own little worship session during one of their most hardcore songs... they just stopped, turned around and stood their with their hands raised singing "I thought about a burning fire, I thought about a love fire, I thought about Your love. I thought about Your love." And then they just started going crazy. It looked like my church on that stage. Whoever tells me Blindside sucks or anything else to that degree, I will slap them across the face and then sit them down and make them watch that video. Yes, I will slap you across the face if I have to.

This is a weird time in my life. I don't know what's going on at all honestly. Like I said before, weird mood swings.. must be menopause. Yeah, cause that's makes so much sense...

So I think I'll stay, caught up in silent prayer,
cause I believe in silence.
Our hearts speak the same words.
So why don't we just walk along the shoreline with our silent song?
Cause I believe in silence.
Our hearts speak the same words, the same words.

I really love that song. It's called silence. It's so beautiful.

I know I was made to go up this mountain
Every bone in my body tells me it's right
I know I was made to go up this mountain
But I'm getting scared of heights
Still I'll sleep to the sound of the monsters roar
Cause I'll sleep next to Your heartbeat forever
Sleep right next to Your heartbeat forever

This part in a song called The Endings thoroughly expresses where I am right now, how I feel, and anything else you can imagine. I don't even know what the mountain is, but I know it's there and I'm tired of going around it.

One day this world will see me at the horizon
One day from a distant light
And just before I stand to face my love
I'll turn around
And with a smile I'll say my goodbyes
Just one last goodbye
Goodbye

Sleepwalking. There's two versions, I love both but lately I only listen to the acoustic version. It's so beautiful. Christian Lindskog has a beautiful voice. I love it.

Wait up, don’t you close your eyes
Love has been hidden in the shadow
You’ve got the rope already tied around your neck
One voice whispers life through your sorrow

That's a part from the song called We're All Going To Die. Sounds completely depressing from the title, but if you continued the title as it is in the chorus, it would read "We're all going to die, But we're not all meant to die young."

We are the sons and daughters of a revolution
Revolutionaries walking us out of oppression and into a no-law promised land
Where there is no right or wrong

And this leaves us with a great sense of sadness growing inside our soul
No one can explain where it's coming from
Or where it's taking us

We just know that something is lost

That somehow we are lost

And this, my friend, is the great depression

-The Great Depression-

It's ok if you break
You'll see colors again
This is more than you can take
You'll see colors again
It's your life that's at stake
You'll see colors again
Don't you think it's my time, anytime soon

That's me. Ironically it's called Painting.


Everything that's italicized was written by the boys of Blindside, and almost fully expresses everything that I've been feeling. A lot of interconnected things that have absolutely nothing to do with each other. It's because I'm a paradox. That's how my life goes. Completely random and interesting, not always fun, but interesting. Life. Makes me want to scream. The funny thing is that I was completely happy for about five minutes in the middle of writing this and now I'm in a different mood now. Weird. I don't get it. Something's trying to play with my emotions and I don't appreciate it very much. But I do find it kind of funny.... More paradoxes.

Connection failed.

It's been a while.

School's out for the summer so it's no longer safe to go to the mall without seeing a million people that you know but really don't want to encounter.

Summer may be here, but the cold has not left. If you cannot swim at night, then it's too cold.

Life is changing. People come and people go. There's nothing you can do about it. Might as well get over it. Just let it happen.

I know this kid. His life has been hard. He's pretty cool, but doesn't know it at all. We've become friends. It's pretty sweet. We used to go to school together but I didn't even realize it until he said something about it. My school was miniscule. Like 100 kids in the highschool/middleschool. I didn't even notice him and he is a year younger than me. Why is he all of the sudden in my life now? I have no idea. I don't get it. Why didn't I ever talk to him before? I don't know that either. I met him by "chance". I'm thinking it was a divine appointment. Two weeks before we became friends he tried to commit suicide because he thought that no one would care. I just found that out. It broke my heart. I didn't know that telling him how cool he was meant anything to him, but apparently it does.

I'm getting older, my friends are starting to get married. That's weird. It's kind of freakin me out a bit.

Life is weird. Sometimes good, sometimes bad, but all the time weird.

What do our lives on earth look like from heaven? Do our dead relatives really watch us from heaven, assuming that's where they went? Why would they even want to? Why would you want to preoccupy yourself with earth when you're in heaven? I don't even like earth and it's all I know.

Elastic is so weird. It stretches. For some reason I find that completely random.

I'm getting tired of music. All music. Very tired.

I'm learning how to paint with watercolors. I thought that if I learned from someone who knew, then I might like them. Needless to say, I still hate watercolors. Maybe it'll be one of those things you learn to love, like U2.


Nothing that I just wrote seems related in my mind but it's just what decided to come out today. It doesn't make sense to me, just like rap music isn't music.

Yeah! HardXCore!

YES! I just found the video for "We Cry Mercy". I'm thinking you should watch it. And look out for the hardcore dancers, they're awsome.

I like these people, because when I think about hardcore kids and dancers, I always visualize these hardcore dancers going at it before God's throne, abandoning everything with passion and every ounce of energy in their bodies. Yeah, I like it.