Chuck Norris

So, Lately I've noticed a fascination in my generation with Chuck Norris. I think it's because we all grew up with "Walker Texas Ranger" and Chuck Norris always kicking the bad guys butt with a round house to the face. But it's almost strange to me how "popular" Mr. Norris is. It's hysterical actually. To show you what I mean, here are some of the many Chuck Norris jokes I've seen circulating the internet. I've edited them for content and language because, lets be honest, people my age do not have the best track record when it comes to being "clean"... I blame Britney Spears, stupid pop music. If you listen to it long enough it can make anyone go crazy.


Chuck Norris....

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

*If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.* (my personal favorite)

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate an Indian.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow down.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Heart disease may be the new leading cause of death in women age 45 to 65, but Chuck Norris is still the leading cause of death in men age 0 to 125.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. (Kind of like how Ab Lincoln was born in a log cabin he built with his own two hands..."

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris was going to spend a relaxing day watching television when one of those commercials for Trix cereal came on. Angered by what he saw, Chuck Norris spent the rest of his, what was supposed to be a relaxing day, punching every child he came across. He would then shout at them, “Trix are for Chuck Norris.”


What is the fascination with Chuck Norris? Maybe the kids just need someone to look up to but instead they end up mocking him for long periods of time... in love of course. But all of the "mocking" comes out as "CHUCK NORRIS IS AMAZING!" where you know that their halfway kidding halfway not. I don't understand what's so cool I guess, but the jokes are pretty funny.

That is my humerous blog for the week. Maybe I'll end up writing a serious blog one of these days. Or maybe not, we'll see how it goes.