Moshers... pffft....

Yeah.. I mosh for Jesus. Actually, I don't mosh at all. I just dance ("in the zone, in a trance"). It's true. I am a dancer. None of this "let's take ballet and show how pretty we are" dancing. No no, none of that. I mean, I could if i wanted to and I have no problem with ballet, but if you understand what dancing means to be, you'd know that ballet just isn't my thing.
First off, I know I've probably posted something like this before at some point in time, but that's ok. I enjoy this kind of thing. Letting a bit of my heart to show is ok everyone once in a while right? ha.

Well, to understand why I'm not ballerina you must first know that I cannot listen to K-Love or any other contemporary Christian music for more than 5 minutes. Honestly, I feel as though I am ready to combust. I love Jesus with everything I have and I just don't feel like I can full express that in a beautiful melody of "I love you Jesus" with the music all quite like and the drums practically non-existant. And yes, I used to listen to that music, but it's been a while. I don't even go for the "alternative" Christian bands, because they give Christian rock a bad name. Sorry guys, but it's almost as bad as K-Love to me. Instead, I choose to rely upon Underoath, Blindside, Dear Whoever, Upon Beauty Rests, Showbread, Emery, and Flyleaf for all my Christian music needs. They fuel me. True worship to me is all out, and at the end, you should have no energy left. It's a true sacrifice. Sweaty, uncut worship is beautiful.

My first experience with this was Blindside. They wrote the song called "About a Burning Fire". I had listened to it many times and it was my worship music there for about 2 months but I never fully appreciated it until I watched the DVD. It was that last song and I had already wanted to see them live just because they put on an amazing show, but "About a Burning Fire" pushed them over the top. The song was good until the very end. Then it got very soft and quiet, much like on the cd, but this time there was something different. All of the band members, excluding the drummer, turned their backs to the crowd, closed their eyes, and started to worship. The singer started to sing, "I thought about a burning fire, I thought about a loving fire, I thought about Your love... I thought about Your love." And then the stage looked like it was going to explode with passion. It reminded me of dancing at church and how much energy it takes and how much I really don't care that I feel like I'm going to pass out because the thing that is driving me is so passionate that I don't want to stop.

The next experience I had was with Underoath. They're hardcore and very energetic, but the thing that got me the most was their soft song. It's called "Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape." It's all about the grace of God and mercy and love. My favorite lines are "Hey unfaithful I will teach you to be stronger. Hey ungraceful I will teach you to forgive one another. Hey unloving I will love you, I will love you." It's beautiful and the first time I listened to it I may have cried... but shhh... don't tell anyone. I only cried because of the end. It builds up to a point and then just stops and he sings "Jesus, I'm ready to come.. HOME!" And then he screams and it's amazing and I love the passion exuded through it.

The last encounter that I will tell you, that actually ties into the beginning, is of a show that I went to on saturday. Dear Whoever, Upon Beauty Rests, and Bright Lit City. Three really good christian bands, one spiritually dark bar, and my best friends. So, two out of three ain't bad I guess.. I was actually getting sick to my stomach just sitting in that place waiting for the bands to start, but I knew it woud be worth it. Oh yes, it was definately worth it. As soon as the first band started, it seemed like the atmosphere completely changed and the place was totally cleaned out (spiritually). They were good, but I just sat back and watched the hardcore kids dance. Then It was Upon Beauty Rests. They had beautiful music but again, I just watched eventhough they played my most favorite song of theirs. The kicker was Dear Whoever. They enchanted me. Me and my friends went straight to the stage in front of the circle pit and proceeded to dance to the music. It was amazing, I was so fatigued but energized afterwards. It was crazy. It was my first time participating at a concert like that and now I understand why. So much passion, fun, excitement... It was one of the funnest things I've ever done. To make it even better, "We Cry Mercy" was the last song and everyone went nuts. I have bruises and I'm very proud of them.

Alarm Clocks

"Wake up! Wake up! My God! This is NOT a test!"

I tend to just walk by. At school, I don't normally stop to talk, I don't say "hello" to people I recognize, I just walk by. I don't speak, I don't smile, I just walk in a half asleep daze. I see hundreds of people everyday and I just walk by, usually with my headphones in.

"and it's not to late to come clean. Get it off your chest. So steady your hand before your face and concentrate."

A song that is usually playing on repeat on my way to classes wouldn't be liked among most people, but I enjoy it. No one can hear it though. Only me, in my remote little world, walking from building to building.

"There's got to be some stable ground left to walk on."

Even if I was willing, no one makes eye contact, no one else smiles. They look down at the ground, through their dark sunglasses, that they’re walking on, knowing that it will hold them up. They too have a dazed look on their face. I'm not sure what their excuse is though.

"So tear another page from the book. Are you asleep or just alone?"

Ready to learn, ready to leave. Either one is dangerous in this place. The mind is pliable, but only to a point. Once it reaches a certain point, something will snap. Some go insane. Not the institutionalized crazy though, no. This kind is socially accepted, taught in fact.

"Clear this room from your lungs, and pull yourself together man."

Wrong, whether they know it or not. Some know, they were taught young, but the pressure against is too strong. They fall to the ground, knocked unconscious. Their world gone black.

"On your back, you're sleeping in a bed of shame. Let the light breathe some new life into this room."

They have no idea what they just missed, but I do. It's contagious and addictive, but they don't know that yet. Not yet.

"It's what keeps you coming back, made up of insatiable taste."

Until they find it, despair will be their only friend. Nothing will be right, nothing will ever change, they will never see the light of day.

"Bury your head in your hands and sink into yourself."

I see these people everyday. I walk past them everyday. I hear them everyday. It's their choice to look away and keep walking. I know why.

"Just what are you so afraid of? What are you so afraid of?"

They know it, I know it. Something holds them back. EVERYTHING holds them back. We all know what's right, but no one says anything of it. No one, not even I. I just walk.

"You're staring truth in the face, so come on down."

It's ignored. Passed away in the day to day. Only a select few choose to really see but not even they inform the others. No one chooses the position of the spokesperson. They just walk and only talk to those they know. They say things that aren't true. It's the insanity poking through the exterior. I told you this place makes people crazy.

"You're busy living life now, aren't you? No. You're busy making vows. You're coming unglued."

I know the remedy for this sickness, I just choose not to share it. I choose to be silent when I should be loud. Who knows how long I've wasted.

"Time is shorter than you know."

I don't want to walk between buildings staring at people who shield their eyes. The sunglasses keep them isolated from the world. It keeps them dead and in the dark. It blocks their vision. They can't even see what's really around them.

"I know the light is blinding to the naked eye, so why don't you take steps away from being alone?"

Even if they wanted to take them off, they feel they've missed the opportunity. Keep them on, they don't want to look at what they think they've missed.

"I swear it's not too late for you."

Who will remove the sunglasses? Not I. I'm still walking. Remember? But I know the One that can. Yes, He removed mine as well.

"It's all worth reaching for the hand to pull you out."

Will they ask? No, they're still unconscious on the floor, wrapped in what they know. They don't understand that this time it's the real thing. They need to see what's coming. As I walk by, I want to scream. I hear the screaming through my headphones. I hear the words I want to say coming through the speakers. Screaming through the speakers.

"Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! And step outside your box! Wake up! Wake up!"


Underoath- In regards to myself

Add to My Profile More Videos

The National Language

I've come to realize that I love to write. I actually enjoy writing papers and analyzing random things and adding in my opinion in a sly dog sort of way. It's the reading that I hate. I find most "literary works" to be very boring and dry, but give me a satire and I'm entertained for days to come. I also realized that I love to write satire. Even in dry, factual papers I like to bring my own style to things, often using an underlying mocking tone that most people wouldn't even catch but I put it in anyways for my own personal enjoyment.

Once I actually got to write a satire paper for an assignment. It was probably the funnest thing I've ever written, and it was stinking halarious if I do say so myself. It was all about the reparations that were still being demanded for the black slavery in the south before the civil war. Yes, I had many things to say about it.

(By the way, if you didn't know, how satire works is basically a form of mocking something. You pretend that you're all for something in the beginning and you must be very convincing, but once you're nearing the end you come up with some absurd proposal that the reader should be completely appalled by but you must try to back yourself up in this proposal telling how helpful it will be and so on and so forth. They are very fun to write, let me tell you...)

Anyways, I'm not going to post the actual paper because there WILL be someone who gets offended by it because that's the purpose yet some just won't understand and they will think I'm bashing on them (which I am, but not for reals cause it was for school...).

So here's how it went down. In the beginning, I wrote that I was white (which I am) and that I was thoroughly fired up at the bad things that have been done to many black people today (in reguards to slavery). I went on about this for about a page and a half and then I moved on to my proposal to fix this wrong doing.. Oh yes... it get's good.

I proposed that all white people become the slaves of the descendants of the early black slaves in America and that basically the slave holders could do whatever they wanted to their slaves.. I also went into detail with this but I'll spare you the brutalness.. I wrote that this slavery would put an end to obesity because all of the white people would be underfed and over worked.

Yeah, it was grusome and I loved writing it. I'd love to write more stuff like this, but I'd probably get in trouble. And eventhough I've grown accustom to getting in trouble for things I write, I think I'll wait just a bit longer before my next one... I think I'll write it on our new national language... or maybe not..

Darn Gobshites...

Global Social Problems.

Does that sound like fun? Seriously.... Yeah, I didn't think it sounded like fun when I first signed up for this class. Actually, I didn't think it sounded like fun for the first 5 weeks of the class. this all changed when I started to actually pay attention and listen to what was being said. I, personally, was shocked.

Most of what is said in my class comes from the students. The majority of those outspoken students are probably in their mid-thirties and older and they have to be some of the dumbest people I have ever heard in my life.

I do not mean to criticize, but rather to include you in my humorous situation.

This is what I am privy to... A class of outspoken idiots. My favorite so far has been the discussion we had on disabled people and how they are mistreated by the government and society. Actually, all of our discussions are about how a certain people group are mistreated by the government and society, it's awsome. But this one particular day we were talking about the disabled.

The class was pretty normal for the first half, you know, the usual problems were told, and then we got to disabled people having children. I thought that it would be one of the regular topics where one person gets all fired up over nothing and then the class goes on. Well, I was halfway right. When the teacher mentioned something about the government taking children away from mentally disabled parents, those over thirty outspoken gobshites in the front of the room were in an uproar.. why? I don't know. I heard brief mention of the feelings of the disabled people and their want for children, but never once did I hear the other view argued. No one once mentioned that the parents of the children who were taken away or the people that are not allowed to have children because of their physical condition usually can't even take care of themselves. Not one person said anything about it.

This is usually how it goes in that class. I think there's a sign on the door that I missed that says "Leave all common sense at the door.." No matter the dicussion, those same people get mad over the lamest things without even thinking of when they're really saying.

What I usually end up doing is sitting quietly in the back of the room half chuckling to myself at the heinous things being said. I've found that If I'm quiet for most of the quarter, then when I do say something, people will be shocked because they never knew something so loud could come out of my mouth and then they will actually listen to it. I've done this a few times before and usually the entire room goes dead silent. I seem to have that effect on most of my classes. No one expects quiet little Emily in the back of the room to come out and blatently the entire class that nothing that is being said has any sense whatsoever. I only do it every so often when the time really calls for it. I find it to be entertaining. It's like watching those court shows on TV. Everyone is arguing over something stupid and then the judge all of the sudden tells them the reality that they are being stupid and saying stupid things and everything gets silent for about 30 seconds. After those 30 seconds they start in on the next item up for bid and the circle continues.

I just don't understand how someone can take an issue that is so black and white and in your face and turn it into a whole big ordeal to the point that all forms of reasoning has left them. It's another one of those mysteries of life I guess.

God bless America, a place where people can voice their stupid opinions and help Emily stay awake in class one more day.