More Paradoxes.

Stupid.

No reason for saying that, it just needed to come out I guess. I think I'll stick with writing what needs to come out because if I don't do it now, it'll just come out later right? Right. My mood has been changing every five minutes so the end of this blog could have a completely different tone than the beginning. Well, it makes life interesting right? Right.

I do love Blindside. I bought their Ten Years Running Blind DVD the other day. I've watched it many times already. Not because it's amazing (eventhough it is), but because of one song. Oh my gosh, Jessica is my witness.... Goodness me. I watched the live version of their song About A Burning Fire and I had to fight back the tears. There's a part in the song where the music gets really quiet for about 30 seconds where he sings the words "I thought about a burning fire, I thought about a loving fire. I thought about Your love. I thought about Your love." Now, the song is completely loud and all the words are screamed instead of sung. I mean, honestly, he can do whatever he wants because it's beautiful either way, but during the live version... That 30 second part turned into like a minute or two because they started their own little worship session during one of their most hardcore songs... they just stopped, turned around and stood their with their hands raised singing "I thought about a burning fire, I thought about a love fire, I thought about Your love. I thought about Your love." And then they just started going crazy. It looked like my church on that stage. Whoever tells me Blindside sucks or anything else to that degree, I will slap them across the face and then sit them down and make them watch that video. Yes, I will slap you across the face if I have to.

This is a weird time in my life. I don't know what's going on at all honestly. Like I said before, weird mood swings.. must be menopause. Yeah, cause that's makes so much sense...

So I think I'll stay, caught up in silent prayer,
cause I believe in silence.
Our hearts speak the same words.
So why don't we just walk along the shoreline with our silent song?
Cause I believe in silence.
Our hearts speak the same words, the same words.

I really love that song. It's called silence. It's so beautiful.

I know I was made to go up this mountain
Every bone in my body tells me it's right
I know I was made to go up this mountain
But I'm getting scared of heights
Still I'll sleep to the sound of the monsters roar
Cause I'll sleep next to Your heartbeat forever
Sleep right next to Your heartbeat forever

This part in a song called The Endings thoroughly expresses where I am right now, how I feel, and anything else you can imagine. I don't even know what the mountain is, but I know it's there and I'm tired of going around it.

One day this world will see me at the horizon
One day from a distant light
And just before I stand to face my love
I'll turn around
And with a smile I'll say my goodbyes
Just one last goodbye
Goodbye

Sleepwalking. There's two versions, I love both but lately I only listen to the acoustic version. It's so beautiful. Christian Lindskog has a beautiful voice. I love it.

Wait up, don’t you close your eyes
Love has been hidden in the shadow
You’ve got the rope already tied around your neck
One voice whispers life through your sorrow

That's a part from the song called We're All Going To Die. Sounds completely depressing from the title, but if you continued the title as it is in the chorus, it would read "We're all going to die, But we're not all meant to die young."

We are the sons and daughters of a revolution
Revolutionaries walking us out of oppression and into a no-law promised land
Where there is no right or wrong

And this leaves us with a great sense of sadness growing inside our soul
No one can explain where it's coming from
Or where it's taking us

We just know that something is lost

That somehow we are lost

And this, my friend, is the great depression

-The Great Depression-

It's ok if you break
You'll see colors again
This is more than you can take
You'll see colors again
It's your life that's at stake
You'll see colors again
Don't you think it's my time, anytime soon

That's me. Ironically it's called Painting.


Everything that's italicized was written by the boys of Blindside, and almost fully expresses everything that I've been feeling. A lot of interconnected things that have absolutely nothing to do with each other. It's because I'm a paradox. That's how my life goes. Completely random and interesting, not always fun, but interesting. Life. Makes me want to scream. The funny thing is that I was completely happy for about five minutes in the middle of writing this and now I'm in a different mood now. Weird. I don't get it. Something's trying to play with my emotions and I don't appreciate it very much. But I do find it kind of funny.... More paradoxes.

Connection failed.

It's been a while.

School's out for the summer so it's no longer safe to go to the mall without seeing a million people that you know but really don't want to encounter.

Summer may be here, but the cold has not left. If you cannot swim at night, then it's too cold.

Life is changing. People come and people go. There's nothing you can do about it. Might as well get over it. Just let it happen.

I know this kid. His life has been hard. He's pretty cool, but doesn't know it at all. We've become friends. It's pretty sweet. We used to go to school together but I didn't even realize it until he said something about it. My school was miniscule. Like 100 kids in the highschool/middleschool. I didn't even notice him and he is a year younger than me. Why is he all of the sudden in my life now? I have no idea. I don't get it. Why didn't I ever talk to him before? I don't know that either. I met him by "chance". I'm thinking it was a divine appointment. Two weeks before we became friends he tried to commit suicide because he thought that no one would care. I just found that out. It broke my heart. I didn't know that telling him how cool he was meant anything to him, but apparently it does.

I'm getting older, my friends are starting to get married. That's weird. It's kind of freakin me out a bit.

Life is weird. Sometimes good, sometimes bad, but all the time weird.

What do our lives on earth look like from heaven? Do our dead relatives really watch us from heaven, assuming that's where they went? Why would they even want to? Why would you want to preoccupy yourself with earth when you're in heaven? I don't even like earth and it's all I know.

Elastic is so weird. It stretches. For some reason I find that completely random.

I'm getting tired of music. All music. Very tired.

I'm learning how to paint with watercolors. I thought that if I learned from someone who knew, then I might like them. Needless to say, I still hate watercolors. Maybe it'll be one of those things you learn to love, like U2.


Nothing that I just wrote seems related in my mind but it's just what decided to come out today. It doesn't make sense to me, just like rap music isn't music.

Yeah! HardXCore!

YES! I just found the video for "We Cry Mercy". I'm thinking you should watch it. And look out for the hardcore dancers, they're awsome.

I like these people, because when I think about hardcore kids and dancers, I always visualize these hardcore dancers going at it before God's throne, abandoning everything with passion and every ounce of energy in their bodies. Yeah, I like it.